Battling Self Doubt

This month has been filled with beautiful successes... and inexplicable heaviness in my heart. While the logical part of my brain is working to remind me of the goodness I've had this year, of the outpouring of creative energy, of new and old relationships blossoming, every other part of me just wants to climb under the covers. Or run. Or clean the kitchen. Or make an endless to-do list.  

If I pay attention to my thoughts I so desperately try to push down, I can identify self-doubt, self-depreciation, more than anything. I can list my successes, the praises from my boss, the love from my friends and family, the closeness I've felt to Jesus. The list would be endless, and yet the heaviness remains. I know I'm not alone here. I know you may have felt this same heaviness, frustrated that there's no real answer you can give when you're asked "what's wrong?".

As I write, this thought deeply encourages me- I'm not alone. So many of my friends and acquaintances struggle with anxiety. How do I know? Because I opened up. Because I took that scary step to bring up panic attacks, sleepless nights, or for the first time, I answered honestly: "I don't know what's wrong." It saddens me and inspires me to know that all it takes is one person to be transparent about their struggles. One person and suddenly an entire room is opening up about their own struggles, encouraged by the thought that they're not alone. Solidarity. 

I want to encourage you to validate your feelings, and then try to move past them. Your emotions are real. BUT they do not necessarily stem from truth. If your thoughts are centered around doubt about yourself, your future, if you're cared for- those are lies. Declare them as such. Say it out loud if you need to. Then recognize the truths. Even if you don't believe a word of it. Write it on your mirror, your walls, your phone screen.  

Lies You Hear: I'm not enough. I'm too much. I annoy and inconvenience others. No one could love me. No one could forgive my past or my present. I'll always feel like this. I'm useless. I'm alone in the way I feel. 

Truths To Remember: You are loved. You are cared for. You were chosen before you were born. You are a daughter or son of the most high King. You are God's poeima, a poem written out of love. No matter where you are, God can and will use you. You are useFUL. You are SO loved.

What are the truths you're speaking to yourself in this season? Please share- maybe it will become someone else's mantra to finally tell the lies to go back to where they came from. 

 

 "ARISE" was created at a time when I was full of heaviness, of anxious racing thoughts, of confusion and doubt and "is this where I'm supposed to be?" I'm constantly reminded in these paintings, that stem from a place of pain, that God turns messes into beautiful pieces of art. 

"ARISE" was created at a time when I was full of heaviness, of anxious racing thoughts, of confusion and doubt and "is this where I'm supposed to be?" I'm constantly reminded in these paintings, that stem from a place of pain, that God turns messes into beautiful pieces of art. 

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39