On Feeling Lost When You Come Home

Moss and Twigs. That's what I told Jason I felt like last night. Like my neck was made of moss and twigs. I'm sure the migraine isn't helping. My mind is fuzzy, hazed. It's as if everything is on a delay.

Foreign in my own home, but also at home here.... have you ever had this sensation after returning from a trip? Last year I went to Italy and felt this way for weeks, but I chalked it up to some personal turbulence I had going on at the time. But here I am again, almost exactly a year later. After 10 days in Ireland, I've returned to feeling lost at home. 

Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy to be back in Jason's arms, back in my own bed, back to walking the dogs and laughing at their antics. So what is this nagging feeling? To say I felt at home in Ireland is an understatement. How strange it is to feel like you belong in anywhere but home. I've got so much to share with you all soon- photos, stories, music, and musings.

For now, I just wanted to hop on and be vulnerable with you - I don't have a solution or a word for this sensation...but I do know that this world is not meant to feel like home. Hebrews 13:14 says that  "...this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." (New Living Translation). So good news- if you're feeling lost, you're not alone. And maybe it's exactly how we're supposed to feel sometimes, if only to remind us that our home is waiting for us with the open arms of Christ. 

 Fanora, Ireland... on the drive back from the Cliffs of Moher 

Fanora, Ireland... on the drive back from the Cliffs of Moher 

In the Waiting

Waiting seasons. They can feel like punishment through the frustration, uncertainty, asking for patience you don't have. Are they a blessing? It doesn't feel like it. Is God pruning me? Maybe, but it hurts like hell. Is He even there? I can't feel Him. Doesn't He hear my prayers? Well, not prayers really... more like desperate frustrated "when God, when???" Wait... did I actually pray? ...... ask Him to help me release my need for control, for perfect detailed plans..... ask Him to let me feel His presence? 

Waiting seasons. They absolutely suck if you forget for a millisecond that He's In The Waiting. 

In my last post, I talked about how my "Psalms" art series is going. The Psalms study? Going pretty well! Creating art for the series? Nonexistent. My plans unraveled slowly at first, then completely. He gave me this idea, so why was it not coming to fruition? 

Because His plans are better. His ways are greater. His love is stronger. 

This series, appropriately and spontaneously named "In the Waiting," happened quickly, within only a few weeks of releasing that control to God. Some of the pieces have been incomplete for years, waiting for last touches, for deeper color and movement. It's some of my most inspired work, and I'll be praying fervently over each piece before sending them to their new homes.  

You can find the "In the Waiting" series here on Saturday, December 2, 2017 at 4:00 PM (EST).